Fitness Not a Quick Fix

Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still.
Chinese Proverb
We all expect immediate results. That is just part of the age we live in. Communication is fast. Food is immediately available. Ideas are at our finger tips. New drugs are always getting approved. Whatever we need can be taken care of with an email, a doctor visit or a drive through the check out lane at McDonald's, or just waiting for tomorrow's new advancement.
The same is true when it comes to our bodies. There is always the possibility of liposuction. There are the extreme make-over people who can turn us into magazine attractive as if over night. There is the possibility that an electric device can cause the equivalent of a thousand abdominal contractions just by plugging it in. And, maybe tomorrow, there just may be a way of altering the fat gene.
Moreover, for those who have had good experiences with athletics in high school, there is the memory of the physical transformation which came by the end of a summer of serious weight-lifting. In light of all this, how can anyone dare to insist that fitness will take at least six months--maybe longer-- to just get off the ground?
The truth is that unless we are sixteen we are no longer of high school age. Too, unless we are financially well-off, we probably cannot afford an extreme makeover. That is typically not covered by insurance. Nor could we take off sixty days to go through all of the procedures. Also, as of the present date, there is not an effective fat burner which will shed twenty pounds by the next morning. Even if there were, there is not another which would keep the weight from returning by the end of the month. And, as of yet, there is not a fat gene-altering drug. Nor is there the hope that it will be affordable if, or when, it gets approved.
Thus, the supposed easy answers will not work. They do not even exist. All there really is for any of us is time and good old fashioned hard work. That means daily effort over at least six months without any deviations. In other words, what is required is six months of daily exercise, adequate supplementation and a commitment to a low fat low sugar, preferably gluten-free diet.
Those are the factors needed to make gradual changes. And, it is these gradual changes that we should really care about. Why? Because they have the strong likelihood of actually lasting. Much faster dramatic changes (in under a month, for instance) are simply too hard on the whole system and characteristically backfire with a vengeance (yo-yo phenomenon.) It is as if a part of us does not want to be any different than we are. Even if we insist that we want to be entirely different, that we do not like what we see in the mirror, this other part of us is comfortable, complacent, adequately functioning, and adamant that everybody else should like us just the way we are. That is us at an unconscious level.
At a more conscious level today, we are enslaved to new time tables. As stated before, these are the product of the age we live in. They are referred to as instant gratifications--means whereby we really can get what we want very quickly. Their prevalence influences our senses of how long we give something before we say that it is not working.
Thirty years ago, it never was that way. There was no internet; there were far fewer fast food places; letters and phone calls were the best way to stay in touch; medicine was only dimly aware of radical physique and figure altering procedures; new drugs were far less prevalent. Back then we knew we had to simply allow for some time before physical changes would happen. Everyone knew that. But today, it is different.
This is the reason that many of us fear committing ourselves to fitness. Today, we believe that it will simply take too long--a reality that should not be. On this, we are sure that everyone would agree. That means us, our families, our friends and even the person on the street. We all know this. Therefore, we avoid getting into anything that takes more than a short period--something which causes us to do what we fear the most-- simply quitting, probably for the third or worse time.
What should we do in light of all of this? We should face our fear. That is the only answer. Saying that it does not exist or will not exist is a waste of energy. Hoping that it will not ever be there is dreaming. It will be; and it will be largely because of the age we live in. Refusing to recognize this is the same as living in denial--something our present age has deemed not only absurd, but potentially harmful.
Therefore, what we must do is simply say I am afraid of things taking too long and therefore I will refuse to even try at anything which might make some significant changes over time. The effect of such an assertion usually is one of laughter. How could we ever be so unrealistic? But that is how we think; and that is why the internal rhetoric just may be enough to make us simply bite the bullet and stay with a fitness routine for at least six months, if not six years.
The proverb above supports all that: we should never fear going slowly, only standing still. How timely, even if dating from the sixth century BC. How much this says about us as human beings. We have always been afraid of gradual change. It is just that today this is even more so because things are so much better!
Fear not gradual change; fear only standing still. So says the ancient proverb. Yet, perhaps, the saying is not all that helpful. Therefore a better better aphorism might be Fear whatever you like; just refuse to let it hold you back.

What You Need to Know About the Backpack Traveler

Backpacking has always been something we see in the movies or hear during conversations. We have always wanted to try it but we are too scared of all the connotations. Plus we saw movies that are not really very supportive of the idea. Does backpacking really mean hitching rides and getting cut into pieces like what are shown in some horror movies? Does it entail a lot of walking and knowing people? What are the things that a backpack traveler needs to know?
- Backpacking is a term that's simply used to describe traveling on a low and tight budget. This term is mostly used when you traveling out of the country. The use of backpacks is the more prevalent thing among people who do so, hence the term backpacking.
- The term backpacking is a steadily evolving term due to the diversity of people using the term. Especially at present, with very low flight rates offered by budget airlines compounded by the rampant appearance of low-cost hostels, more people get the chance to travel.
- Giovanni Francesco Gemelli Careri is cited by many as one of the world's first backpackers.
- The origin of backpacking can be traced back to the travel of the Silk Road and then the Hippie trail of the 1960s and 1970s.
- Backpackers of the earlier age avoided bringing electronic gadgets due to the fear of theft. However, the younger generation's desire to stay connected changed this. As of now, PDAs, laptops and digital cameras are already among the things that backpackers pack first.
- Backpacking is deemed a more cultural approach to tourism. Backpackers usually get more immersed to the culture of the place that they are backpacking in. as opposed to the already packaged itinerary of the mass travelers, back packers get to experience the place more.
- There are now variants of backpacking. The first being flash packing. This term referring simply to backpacking with higher budget. Another variant is known as gap packing. This term is loosely used to address people who backpack in between school or in between jobs.
- Loads of movies which feature backpackers are made throughout the years. One website listed the best backpacker movies and surprisingly, it does not include Friday the 13th! The best backpacker movie according to travelgeneration.com is Into the Wild. The second place went to both Hostel 1 and 2

Where Is The Best Place to Meet Women? 3 Possible Choices for You

Are you wondering where the best possible places to meet women might be? Does it seem like you are always drawing blanks when you try to think of where to meet women? If so, then you may be over thinking things just a little bit. See, when you really look at the demographics, you see that there is a very large pool of single, available women out there. So large a pool, that really just about anywhere you go can wind up being where you meet your next girlfriend.
I think one of the problems that many guys have when it comes to meeting women, is that they box themselves into thinking that there are specific places that will wind up being the "secret" gathering place of all attractive women. The reality is, you can wind up meeting a beautiful woman that you want to date in a post office, a store, at the library, etc.
There are some places that seem to be a little bit better than others, and here is a list of 3 places to meet women that seem to bring about the best results for average guys:
1) Your local bar.
This is the old staple of the singles world, the place where generations past have gone to mix and mingle and probably will be the place people still go in the future. The trick with using bars to meet women is... it has to be a place where women will feel comfortable hanging out. Meaning, you probably don't want to go to the one where all the guys are watching football and they all stop and stare the moment any female walks in the door. Variety in choosing bars is also key, because you need to find the kind of place where your ideal match may hang out.
2) Work.
This all depends on where you work and how big of a place it is. If there are hundreds of employees, then this can be a great place to meet a woman to date. If it is a tiny place, and you know that things would get awkward if they did not work out with a woman you work with, then this may not be the best option for you at all. I've known many people who have met their future wife while at work, so don't discount this possibility.
3) Karaoke clubs.
Don't ask me why this is, but so many women seem to love karaoke. Myself, it's not my thing at all. However, there still is something to be said for the potential dating pool. If this sounds like something that you might enjoy or you are all out of options, then you may want to check out any local karaoke clubs in your area and see what the crowd looks like.

These are some good places to meet women, but no matter what... you need to be able to pick up on a woman's signs of attraction to know when to make your move...

How To Talk To Girls Effortlessly

Ever since we were in grade school us men have always been fascinated by girls. We always wanted to know how to talk to girls that we liked, but the only problem was we feared the worst would happen if we put our bid in on the cute girl. As we got older we've taken this same mentality into our manhood. This is where I come in. I'm gonna give you some powerful tips that will greatly increase your seduction skills. Now before you become a modern-day Don Juan, you must first learn how to say the most basic thing to a woman like...hello. Here are a few tips that will help you approach women effortlessly and without the feeling of rejection.
You must first feel comfort around women. How are you going to be successful with women when every time you're around them you get uncomfortable and nervous? The first thing you want to do is surround yourself with hot women. You don't even have t say a word to them in this stage. You just want to be in their presence. You want to know a little about them and know what they're about before you approach them. Remember, you're not stalking them but just getting use to being in a chick's presence. Plus it takes a little of the pressure off that comes with approaching hot women. Once you're a little comfortable in their presence you can now open your mouth.
It's as simple as saying "hi". Did you know that the best pick up line is a friendly, confident greeting? That's right! Don't over complicate the whole situation by filling your head with garbage on how to talk to girls and how to act, when all you need to do is say hello. Think about how crazy a woman would look if you greeted her with a "what up" and she ignored you. She'll acknowledge you unless she's a total bitch, someone you don't want to deal with anyway.
Conversations can last an hour or even a few minutes. When you're shy the shorter the conversation the better. The best way to do this is by using your surroundings. If a woman is on the line at a fast food joint, give her a suggestion on a good meal or ask her for her opinion. This little "conversation" can last for the duration of the both of you on the line or it can transition into you eating with her at a booth. Don't worry if your conversations are very brief. The more confident you become with talking to women, and the more frequent you see a specific woman, the more you'll have to say with each encounter.
Ask to keep in contact. We are in an era where we all have a social network that we are affiliated with such as Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. The truth of the matter is if you're too shy to ask her for her phone number, you can always ask her for her Facebook. About 85% of the world has one so she'll, more than likely, have one too. You can always get her number after you've established some kind of rapport by messaging.
Girls are very easy to talk to once the fear has passed. If you learn how to talk to girls with this article as your guide, even if you're insanely shy you're gonna overcome your shyness in less than you would've in the past. You may be nervous and shy and not know what to say to chicks. Why over complicate the situation more than you have to?

Harness the power of seduction in a different way than you're use to. Click the link below to learn how to start attracting women with pure masculine confidence.

Best Jobs for Fast Growth

If you're stalled or burned out, these fast-growing fields (with relatively low barriers to entry) can help you earn more, get ahead and put life back into your career.
Craving a new career?
You're not alone — workers are less satisfied with their jobs than they were five years ago, and one out of three is seriously considering walking out the door, according to human resources consultancy Mercer.
Even if you're itching for better pay or a more satisfying workday, however, you may feel a dramatic switch is risky. After all, unemployment has been stuck at 9% for more than two years; the average job seeker has spent 40 weeks out of work.
But the job scene isn't as bleak as the headlines indicate, at least not for everyone. For those with college degrees, unemployment is less than half the national average. An aging population is fueling demand for health care workers, and social media are driving growth in the tech sector. Nearly half of firms plan to add employees next year, according to a July survey of hiring managers and HR pros.
With those rays of hope in mind, MONEY teamed up with compensation website PayScale.com to identify the Best Jobs in America for people seeking a fresh start. Using Bureau of Labor Statistics forecasts for 7,000 titles, we found jobs requiring a bachelor's degree that have strong growth prospects that also score well for pay, job satisfaction, stress, and flexibility. Note: Median pay is for an experienced worker (at least two to seven years in the field). Top pay represents the 90th percentile. Job growth is estimated for 2008-18. Total current employment level is estimated number of people working in each specific job.
If you're stalled or burned out, these fast-growing fields (with relatively low barriers to entry) can help you earn more, get ahead and put life back into your career.
1. Software Developer
Median pay: $82,400
Top pay: $118,000
10-year job growth: 32%
Total jobs: 380,000
The job: As technology evolves rapidly, companies continue to need developers to design, test, and debug software programs for mobile devices and apps. Since the landscape changes so often, even longtime developers frequently need to retrain and learn new programs, lowering the barriers to entry for job switchers.
How to switch: If you have a technical background, all you need are self-study courses for vendor-specific program certifications. Tech newbies should start with a programming course at a local college.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: A
2. Physical Therapist
Median pay: $75,900
Top pay: $97,800
10-year job growth: 30%
Total jobs: 190,000
The job: Health care is a booming field, and the demand for physical therapists is increasing apace. You'll need to go back to school to learn the techniques for increasing patient mobility and decreasing pain, but the two- to three-year graduate program is still far shorter than the time it takes to become a doctor. You can do a nursing degree in that time, but pay and satisfaction are better for PTs.
How to switch: You'll need a master's or the increasingly common three-year doctorate. Learn more at apta.org.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: A
Benefit to society: A
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
3. Financial Adviser
Median pay: $93,900
Top pay: $234,000
10-year job growth: 30%
Total jobs: 70,000
The job: Boomers wrapping up their careers need guidance managing their retirement, creating demand for advisers. A financial background helps, but equally important are strong interpersonal skills.
How to switch: To become a certified financial planner, you'll probably need course work in financial topics like investing, retirement and taxes, and you must pass a 10-hour exam (go to cfp.net for more information). To be fully credentialed, you'll also need three years of relevant work experience.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: B
Low stress: C
Flexibility: A
4. Civil Engineer

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Median pay: $74,700
Top pay: $110,000
10-year job growth: 24%
Total jobs: 170,000
The job: The country's aging infrastructure won't be able to keep up with its growing population without the help of civil engineers. In this field you supervise and design bridges, highways, tunnels, and water and sewage systems. Though the industry has slowed along with the economy, the long-term growth potential is strong, says Kathy Caldwell, president of the American Society of Civil Engineers.
How to switch: This switch will be smoother if you've studied math or physical science. If not, coursework can take around 18 months. A two-year master's degree is recommended, but some jobs don't require it. For a license, you'll have to pass an exam and amass about four years of relevant work experience.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: B
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
5. Marketing Specialist

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Median pay: $52,200
Top pay: $79,400
10-year job growth: 28%
Total jobs: 90,000
The job: According to a recent survey, chief marketing officers expect marketing budgets to increase 6% from last year. That means more work for marketing specialists, a job where you can focus on areas as narrow as social media or search engine optimization, or be responsible for all aspects of promoting a product including pricing and advertising.
How to switch: Little formal training is required. You'll have an easier time getting your foot in the door if you have experience with audience engagement or creative thinking. Plus, better to stay in an industry you know. The Business Marketing Association also offers professional development courses.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
6. Management Consultant

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Median pay: $111,000
Top pay: $200,000
10-year job growth: 24%
Total jobs: 120,000
The job: What every business needs, particularly in the wake of the recession, is someone who can come up with ways to improve work flow and profits. That's where management consultants come in. But those interested in trying out this field need to be disciplined enough to work independently and under the pressure of strict deadlines. A willingness to travel is also important since many consultants work on site. Long hours and a little jet lag just go with the territory.
How to switch: It's strongly advised to get a few years of experience under your belt before giving management consulting a try, but there is no specific licensing required. Those with some experience in the field can get certified, which may give job seekers a competitive edge. The Institute of Management Consultants USA offers both professional development courses and a management consultant certification (go to imcusa.org for more information).
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
7. Information Technology Consultant

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Median pay: $96,500
Top pay: $154,000
10-year job growth: 20%
Total jobs: 70,000
The job: After hoarding cash during the recession, many firms are beginning to invest in technology again, much of it focused on mobile devices and applications. To master these complex areas, many firms are enlisting the help of IT consultants, who can recommend and implement improvements to IT systems, resolve system problems and manage the installation of new software and system upgrades.
How to switch: Most IT consultants have bachelor's degrees in computer science, engineering or other related fields, but many consulting firms require an MBA.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: A
8. Database Administrator

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Median pay: $86,600
Top pay: $121,000
10-year job growth: 20%
Total jobs: 120,000
The job: Demand for database administrators has been fueled recently by the growth in cloud computing. Many businesses are storing their data and applications on networks via the Internet instead of investing in servers and other infrastructure, and they are turning to database administrators to help manage their assets and keep them secure. As a database administrator, you identify the most effective ways to store a company's data, keep it safe and troubleshoot when problems crop up.
How to switch: Most database administrators have a bachelor's degree in a computer-related field. If you don't have extensive undergraduate training in technology and computers, a professional credential — such as getting Microsoft certification or an MBA with a concentration in information systems — is a good avenue into this career.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
9. Financial Analyst

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Median pay: $62,600
Top pay: $91,700
10-year job growth: 20%
Total jobs: 250,000
The job: As a financial analyst, you study financial information to produce forecasts of business, industry and economic conditions and recommend investments and investment timing to companies, investment firms, or the investing public. Given fast-changing economic conditions and the use of complex securities, such as derivatives, demand is high for talented financial analysts. Banks, mutual funds and hedge funds are major employers.
How to switch: Most financial analysts have at least a bachelor's degree in a related field, such as finance, economics, statistics, accounting or business. A valued credential is the chartered financial analyst (CFA) designation. If you're entering the sector from another industry, an MBA or a master's degree in finance or economics can pave the way.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: C
Low stress: C
Flexibility: B
10. Environmental Engineer

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Median pay: $81,200
Top pay: $113,000
10-year job growth: 31%
Total jobs: 50,000
The job: Want to save the earth and earn good money? As an environmental engineer, you get to apply your knowledge of biology, chemistry and other natural sciences to tackle problems such as pollution, waste management and recycling. These skills are quickly becoming sought after as businesses adjust to new water and air regulations, especially in the industrial and manufacturing sectors. Green initiatives are also beginning to catch on in several industries, including automotive (hybrid vehicles) and energy (like Shell Oil's move into wind energy).
How to switch: If you have experience in a related engineering field — such as mechanical, civil or industrial — a master's degree in a natural science like geology may be a good stepping stone. Almost all environmental engineers have bachelor's degrees in an engineering discipline.
Quality of life ratings:
Personal satisfaction: B
Benefit to society: B
Low stress: C
Flexibility: A

Rapidly Inflating Volcano Creates Growing Mystery

Should anyone ever decide to make a show called "CSI: Geology," a group of scientists studying a mysterious and rapidly inflating South American volcano have got the perfect storyline.

Researchers from several universities are essentially working as geological detectives, using a suite of tools to piece together the restive peak's past in order to understand what it is doing now, and better diagnose what may lie ahead.

It's a mystery they've yet to solve.

Uturuncu is a nearly 20,000-foot-high (6,000 meters) volcano in southwest Bolivia. Scientists recently discovered the volcano is inflating with astonishing speed.

"I call this 'volcano forensics,' because we're using so many different techniques to understand this phenomenon," said Oregon State University professor Shan de Silva, a volcanologist on the research team. [See images of the inflating volcano here.]

Researchers realized about five years ago that the area below and around Uturuncu is steadily rising — blowing up like a giant balloon under a wide disc of land some 43 miles (70 kilometers) across. Satellite data revealed the region was inflating by 1 to 2 centimeters (less than an inch) per year and had been doing so for at least 20 years, when satellite observations began.

"It's one of the fastest uplifting volcanic areas on Earth," de Silva told OurAmazingPlanet."What we're trying to do is understand why there is this rapid inflation, and from there we'll try to understand what it's going to lead to."

The  peak is perched like a party hat at the center of the inflating area. "It's very circular. It's like a big bull's-eye," said Jonathan Perkins, a graduate student at the University of California, Santa Cruz, who recently presented work on the mountain at this year's Geological Society of America meeting  in Minneapolis.

Scientists figured out from the inflation rate that the pocket of magma beneath the volcano was growing by about 27 cubic feet (1 cubic meter) per second.

"That's about 10 times faster than the standard rate of magma chamber growth you see for large volcanic systems," Perkins told OurAmazingPlanet.

However, no need to flee just yet, the scientists said.
"It's not a volcano that we think is going to erupt at any moment, but it certainly is interesting, because the area was thought to be essentially dead," de Silva said.
Uber-Uturuncu?

Uturuncu is surrounded by one of the most dense concentrations of supervolcanoes on the planet, all of which fell silent some 1 million years ago.

Supervolcanoes get their name because they erupt with such power that they typically spew out 1,000 times more material, in sheer volume, than a volcano like Mount St. Helens. Modern human civilization has never witnessed such an event. The planet's most recent supervolcanic eruption happened about 74,000 years ago in Indonesia. [Related: The 10 Biggest Volcanic Eruptions in History]

"These eruptions are thought to have not only a local and regional impact, but potentially a global impact," de Silva said.
Uturuncu itself is in the same class as Mount St. Helens in Washington state, but its aggressive rise could indicate that a new supervolcano is on the way. Or not.

De Silva said it appears that local volcanoes hoard magma for about 300,000 years before they blow — and Uturuncu last erupted about 300,000 years ago.

"So that's why it's important to know how long this has been going on," he said.

To find an answer, scientists needed data that stretch back thousands of years — but they had only 20 years of satellite data.
Volcano rap sheet
"So that's where we come in as geomorphologists — to look for clues in the landscape to learn about the long-term topographic evolution of the volcano," Perkins said.

Perkins and colleagues used ancient lakes, now largely dry, along the volcano's flanks to hunt for signs of rising action.

"Lakes are great, because waves from lakes will carve shorelines into bedrock, which make lines," Perkins said.

If the angle of those lines shifted over thousands of years  — if the summit of the mountain rose, it would gradually lift one side of the lake — it would indicate the peak had been rising for quite some time, or at least provide a better idea of when the movement began.
The local conditions, largely untouched by erosion or the reach of lush plant and animal life, lend themselves to geological detective work, Perkins noted.

"It's a really sparse, otherworldly landscape," Perkins said. "Everything is so well preserved. There's no biology to get in the way of your observations."

Perkins said that surveys conducted on the lakes last autumn didn't indicate long-term inflation. However, tilting lakes are only one indicator of volcano growth, he said.

De Silva said the geological detective team is working to combine data from a number of sources — seismic data, GPS data, even minute variations in gravity — to pin down when and why the mountain awoke from its 300,000-year-long slumber, and better predict its next big move.

First-date etiquette for men

 today’s world of anonymous email and to-the-point voicemail messages, the art of courting a woman often falls by the wayside. Which is why we — experts on modern etiquette and savvy-suitor skills — would like to provide a first date manners brush-up. Not merely trotted out for holidays, manners are more than stuffy rules ingrained from many a granny’s rap on your adolescent knuckles. They’ll put your date at ease, charm her, and convey your affection — all the while boosting your own confidence. So, for your wooing pleasure, we’ve compiled some first-date dictates to speed the way, from IM’ed emoticons to candlelit sweet nothings.

First-date dictate #1: Dress with finesse
Put more than a moment’s thought into your choice of first date attire. Simplicity and sophistication should rule. What’s proper? Neither your Sunday best nor your most casual Friday garb, but rather something pulled from the cleaners, or at least the topmost layer of the hamper. Also worth a mention: If you accessorize to reflect your every interest, you can look like the decorated hood of a NASCAR racer. From your collection of LIVESTRONG yellow wristbands, boldly-patterned ties, and quirky socks, pick one — and only one — attention-grabbing item before going out.
First-date dictate #2: Perfect the proper greetingWhen you pick your date up (much more gentlemanly than having her meet you at a given restaurant), it helps to have flowers in hand. Greet her with a warm, ever-so-slightly lingering kiss on the cheek and proffer a sincere compliment. Try “You’re even lovelier in person” if you’ve met online; “You’re even lovelier than I remembered” if you met in person. If the word “lovely” doesn’t trip off your tongue, try “cute” — the goal here is to say something flattering and sincere. And, yes, we did say to lead with a swift kiss. Dates that begin with a cold, prudish handshake are doomed from the start. This isn’t a business meeting, even if you do want to ruffle through her papers.

Note: Not everyone is touchy-feely enough for a sweeping Hollywood embrace. Train your bachelor eye to decode body language. Is your date recoiling with tensely crossed arms or looking skittish? If initial chemistry is lukewarm, start slowly and simmer, don’t be pushy with busy paws and probing questions. When the temperature is hotter, capitalize on a live wire with enthusiasm as you unleash a battery of smiles, edgy banter, and tender touches across the table.

First-date dictate #3: Charm her with a bit of classic etiquette
Does your date secretly wish you wouldn’t hold the door for her or let her order first? Come now. Do you really need to ask? Revisit some Amy Vanderbilt mandates: Do hold the door, yield the seat with the better view in the restaurant and, for Pete’s sake, insist that she have the last yummy bite of dessert. Also, stand when she leaves the table and escort her down the street so that you’re nearest the curb — shielding her from such calamities as bus-sprayed puddles. Dating nowadays is like job hunting, and a gracious sense of manners is a bonus skill that will increase your curb appeal. (Though beware: Do keep your actions subtle. Overdoing the chivalry routine — say, finding yourself half-bowing as you hold the door for her — will only make you appear to be a phony who’s best suited to chirping “Yes, milady” at the Medieval Festival’s human chess board.)

Convinced you’re not the manners type? Let us put it this way: After suffering through a long week of loud-mouthed bosses and messy roommates, what modern lady wouldn’t welcome some special treatment? Especially given the relative casualness of today’s society, manners stand out... and can melt her heart.

First-date dictate #4: Order with panache
Ordering isn’t just the utility of requesting food, but a time to test plate-sharing preferences and tastebud adventurousness. Instead of silently burying your head in a menu, focus on the main dish of the evening... your date. If the server returns while you two are just getting warmed up, don’t break the momentum — take command of some never-fail appetizers: “We’re still looking, but please bring the spring rolls while we decide.” While ordering entrees for another is a tad forward, get a sense of her flavors; any opportunity to glean personality clues shouldn’t be missed. Since no one is a mindreader, avoid iffy statements that say nothing (“Steak sounds okay... I guess”). Rather, accentuate the positives (“I love sushi!”), and voice negatives (“Mussels — never a favorite of mine”). Standing by convictions (no, not the larcenous kind) helps identify common ground while uncovering curious contrasts that can stimulate conversation.

First-date dictate #5: Bid her goodnight in grand style
If the night was a flop, a quick finish with a polite handshake or brief hug is expected, perhaps with great relief. Be simple: “I had a nice evening, thank you. Goodnight.” Never make false promises for the sake of propriety, though: “Let’s do this again... um, I’ll call you.”

But let’s be optimistic and now focus on a truly delightful night. Don’t sully it with an awkward close or last-second lobby for a slobbery kiss. Your first pitch of woo shouldn’t be volleyed just as she’s unhitching her seatbelt or fumbling for apartment keys. In fact, the post-dessert stroll is a fine time for romantic hand-holding. As for the final parting, marry thoughtful words (“What a marvelous time! I’d love to see you and your sweet smile again”)and actions. By actions, we certainly don’t mean a cold, platonic hug — that’s best left for coworkers, aunts and the like. A successful first date is best capped off with a lip-to-lip smooch that neither lingers too long nor leaves too soon. Then, lean back and offer breathing room. If an encore is desired, body language will be crystal clear; otherwise, bid good evening and march away confidently…there will be a next time.